DISCLAIMER: If you skip the weighty part the end of my journal is quite funny: DAILY TALLY

Promiscuity-In human sexual behavior, promiscuity denotes sex with relatively many partners.

Promiscuous- Made without careful choice; indiscriminate.
Indiscriminate in choice of sexual partners.

*Promiscuous- A fancy word for SLUT.*

and there we are. for the win.

So, I feel like I wasn't made for relationships. I am never as good as they are to me. He is so close to being perfect, and I see it. And I appreciate it. But I feel like I am incapable of returning that favor, that perfection. I'm not as loving, as happy, as IN love, as committed. And that's a choice. I get it. But it's also the way I'm built. And I'm trying to change that, since I want things to work and I want to feel like I can do this, and be happy. But I know I am going to have to work at it, and forget a few people. Because it's hard to be in love with someone who loves you when you might love someone else.

I'm confused. But I'm not sad. I just feel bad for him, for loving me, and being way to good.

And, the punch line. I figured this out in my sleep, in between the dreams I had while napping. All about giant mushrooms and beaches and water slides and any other element that didn't really belong.

Sometimes I want to get lost in the music, just because I am afraid to face this person that I'm becoming. Not because I don't like her, but because I am scared of who I am since life is all about self discovery. And I haven't really discovered very much.

On a happier, less bittersweet note.

I HAVE MY SWEENEY TODD SCRIPT MOTHERFUCKERS ( and a salute to elegance and eloquence here )

And I feel like a daily tally is appropriate:
[X] SICK, dranking some fluids.
[X] Flashed my awkward asian neighbor boys, ACCIDENT.
[X] Flashed my family, not my fault.
[X] Being the only student to know what loquacious meant today.
[XXXXX] Having no food in the house.
[X] Being hungry.
[X]EVAN *cough* Mumu *cough*
[X] Freshman with Jew Fro's
[X] Hallway conversations. (:
[X] Being oblivious.
[X] Finally being out of the "couple spotlight"
[X] Learning to love.
[X] Awkward Mom conversations. "Cindy Lou Who"
[X] NAPS!
[X] Freezing Weather
[] Mexican Babies
[] Med school
[] MEXICAN BABIES
[] Self Confidence
[] Chocolate
[] Finalized plans
[] HERB
[] The woods, and snow, and shrooms, and Mr. BB's grand plan.
[] Stiletto Boots
[] World Peace.